I mentioned briefly in my last post that I am attracted to Sandor Clegane from Game of Thrones (I mean, have you seen him in that porridge advert? Hello), but there are so many other characters in different fictional universes that I have crushes on. I think this blog has already established that I spend a lot of time watching TV, and although I do pick these shows based mainly on the writing and acting, the pretty faces don’t exactly hinder my choices. Over the years I’ve actually found myself being more attracted to fictional characters than random famous people… or, y’know, actual people in my life. Why have a crush on a fellow university student when you could be thinking about kissing a vampire?
1) Ser Jorah Mormont, Game of Thrones:
I may have started this post by talking about The Hound, and although I really do enjoy his face, my heart truly belongs to Ser Jorah. It might be because I want to be Daenerys, or it might just be because I really enjoy his beard, but I love Ser Jorah. My iPhone is called Jorah (it is my advisor and closest companion, duh) and I already have plans to name a cat Ser Jorah Meowmont. I know he’s meant to be super ugly and hairy and whatever in the books, but I can’t stop picturing TV Jorah when I read them. And he has a nice face. And he taught a zombie to answer a phone in Resident Evil. Dany just needs to love him already. Or else I will. There are plenty of characters in GoT who warrant being on this list (Jon, Jaime, Tyrion), but I’m rooting for the underdog. Can we have more Jorah scenes now please?
2) Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
I have a long love affair with fictional vampires, from Edward Cullen to Bill Compton, but Spike was the first. I never bought onto the whole Angel thing, yeah he was hot but he was so whiny. Spike was what I imagined vampires to be like. Humans are a yummy food and a vital life source, not something to impregnate and marry, Edward. His dedication to Dru makes it seem like he’d be a great boyfriend, and adorable little season five Spike when he had a crush on Buffy is just the cutest. I wouldn’t mind him hiding behind trees outside my house, in fact, I welcome it (no one else, just Spike). Then there’s his face, his hair, his style, his chipped black nail polish *heavy breathing*. He loses a bit of his edge by having one of the most underwhelming deaths in TV history (although I guess he got a better deal than Anya), but my disdain for the final episode doesn’t destroy the love I have for the rest of the series. Team Spike 5eva.
3) Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl:
GoT and Buffy are two of my favourite TV shows ever and I’m a huge fan of the fantasy genre, which is why it comes as such a shock to me that I love Gossip Girl as much as I do. Admittedly the writing falls a little short during the later seasons, but by that point I’m so past caring about 3/4 of the characters and who Gossip Girl is (just kidding, I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that crushing disappointment), I’m only really interested in Chuck and Blair. I think I was one of the only viewers actually rooting for Blair and Nate to split up in season one, and the limo scene remains one of my favourite TV moments. He dresses amazingly, he is super rich, and has possibly the most attractive voice I’ve ever heard. I didn’t even know you could be attracted to a voice until I watched this show. I don’t care if you have super bad daddy issues and sexually harass women multiple times on the show, we were meant to be.
4) Charlie Pace, Lost:
Lost was one of the first TV show I was heavily invested in, and even though I can admit that it got slowly worse as it progressed, I couldn’t turn it off. One of those reasons was Charlie. It’s not just that he was Merry in LotR (although that helped), but he was a total rockstar and thirteen year old me totally loved that. And so did fourteen year old me, and fifteen year old me… and twenty one year old me still does, so you get the picture. Yeah, there were lots of hot shirtless men on Lost that I could have picked over him. Sawyer and Desmond also rank high on my list of fictional characters I’d make out with. But Charlie was adorable, and he looked after Claire and Aaron, and he was BFFS with Hurley. What’s not to love? His death is one of the saddest TV deaths I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t watch that episode without completely losing it. Not Penny’s boat, guys.
5) Trent Lane, Daria:
I’d like to think that I’ve given a bit of variation on this list. We’ve had disgraced knights, evil vampires, filthy rich hotel heirs with questionable morals, and heroine addicted plane crash survivors. But it might seem that I’ve failed a bit here, because Trent and Charlie are kind of the same. I mean, yeah, okay, one of them is an animated character, but still. They both have the same look. Tattoos, piercings, messy hair… actually, maybe Spike fits this category too? I definitely have a type. They might have the same aesthetic, but they’re totally different characters inside, and I had a crush on Trent long before Charlie Pace came along. I really don’t think that Trent would risk his life to save Desmond, in fact if Trent was in Lost he’d probably have been the guy sucked into the plane motors in the first episode. Pre-teen me really liked the idea of a musician boyfriend who didn’t wake up until three in the afternoon, but twenty one year old me has had that type of boyfriend, and realises that if we’re gonna do the whole musician boyfriend thing again, Charlie would be a better choice. Heroin addiction or not. I still have a total crush on Trent though. I don’t think you ever get over your first fictional love. Queue romantic sighing and longing glances into the distance.
I could probably do a whole series of this if I really wanted to. I have a lot of feelings about fictional characters. Maybe I’ll do one about literary characters that I want to smooch, because that way you know I’m doing it for what’s on the inside. Characters descriptions are very subjective, J.K. Rowling doesn’t tell us that Lupin is attractive, but I still want to ruffle his hair. I probably wouldn’t be able to put any GoT characters in that list though, seeing as they’re all about twelve.