You can’t call an episode ‘A Is For Answers’ and not really give me any, it’s just cruel. The season finales of Pretty Little Liars are always terrible, it’s something I’ve come to expect; but the show has been so ridiculous recently, I was starting to think that it must be coming to an end. How long are these girls supposed to be in high school for? Haven’t they been applying to colleges for like two seasons already? I know that there’s at least one more season left, and with the cancellation of Ravenswood, I figured that this episode would set up the answers that would be wrapped up in one final season. But somehow I have this horrible ominous feeling that we’re gonna have to sit through Pretty Little Liars: The College Years before we ever find out who A is (because Spencer and Hanna going to the same college would totally be believable).
So, what were these supposed answers I was getting? Jenna isn’t A! It was kind of obvious seeing as the writers seemed to forget about her character around the dawn of second A. Yeah, but Toby’s not A either! You really think he could fool Spencer for that long? Look at how well his first attempt at ‘being A’ worked out, you cannot Red Herring a Red Herring. Ezra! He’s just a creepy statutory rapist, not a creepy blackmailer. Ian? Yet another creepy statutory rapist and also a horrible person, but he’s also dead so it would be a bit of an anticlimactic reveal if he really was A. B-b-Byron? He’s in the whole show for like two seconds a season, come on. Ugh, Spencer? I know this show is aimed at thirteen year old girls, but they were making Spencer too obvious even for them. Emily? She’s like desperate for Ali to get back to Rosewood so she can see her naked, duh. She’s not gonna actively scare her away. Hanna? Ali practically gave Hanna an eating disorder, so if anyone should have been sending her threatening texts, it should have been her, but she has no reason to attack the other girls– and she got run over by Mona, sooooo no. Aria? I actually don’t have a sarcastic remark for you this time, #AisforAria, I’m calling it now.
I’ll admit that I did like the scene showing how Mona got Alison to leave town, but is anyone really that stupid? Mona just happened to be driving through town in the dead of night? Riiiiiight. If you tell someone that you are being stalked and harassed, and their first response isn’t ‘you should go to the police’, hit them with a shovel or something. They’re evil. With her ponytails and her generation-less dress sense, she totally gives off a creepy evil dead girl vibe. Especially when she’s singing and brushing a doll’s hair in the next room; I’m not actually convinced how she managed to be released from Radley. Another little line I “enjoyed” was the really awkward way the writers managed to get Ian to say he hadn’t been sleeping with Alison. It’s as if, four seasons later, they finally caught on that all these relationships with teachers and doctors and detectives are really inappropriate for high school students. ‘It’s okay that I take this fifteen year old girl into hotel rooms and meet up with her in the middle of the night, because we’re not actually sleeping together!’ Alright, Ian. Whatever you say. What exactly are you doing with that video camera, then?
If anything this episode has left me with even more questions. The characters keep going on about who killed the girl in Ali’s grave, and whilst that is important, why is no one questioning who the girl is? The show seems to be trying to point to Melissa being the one who killed her, and I would usually claim that they were been too obvious with the hints, but the target audience of PLL makes me feel that maybe they are just being that shallow. On another Melissa note, she just casually mentions that Toby went to London and they ‘ran into each other’. Because all American TV shows think London is one tiny little village surrounding Big Ben. With all the disposable income that Toby apparently has to be able to get to London, he does not in fact own a phone or computer to contact Melissa without leaving the continent. The episode also once again raised the big ‘who is A’ question. I spent a nice two weeks being sure that it was Mrs DiLaurentis, but considering she’s looking a little dead now, I’m not convinced. And she may be able to sneak around Spencer’s house like a total creeper, but I really doubt she can jump from building to building like that.
So far the general consensus seems to be that Jason killed Alison, and I’m sort of inclined to agree. There can’t be that many people who Mrs DiLaurentis would be willing to bury her own daughter for. A lot of people really seem to be for the twin theory, and the imagery of twins has been constant throughout the series, but I’m pretty sure that’s just the creators trying to throw in a couple of horror movie tropes to up the spook factor rather than some elaborate foreshadowing. I don’t think that PLL really do foreshadowing of any kind, I’m sure that they make it all up as they go along. They’re just gonna pick a name out of a hat and claim that it’s A, much like I’m convinced the writers of Gossip Girl did with Dan Humphrey.
I still don’t know who A is, I still don’t know who tried to kill Ali, I still don’t know who was buried in Ali’s grave, and I still don’t know why the police department in Rosewood are so inept. My predictions for season five include: Ezra making a miraculous recovery, an unnecessarily long separation of Hanna and Caleb before finally reuniting them when Hanna is over her inappropriate relations with the pedophile detective, and the Liars still somehow avoiding incarceration despite being connected to seemingly every crime in the Rosewood area.
Pretty Little Liars has been as cliché and unsatisfying as ever, The Walking Dead has been boring me to tears, and I’m sensing that this hit and miss season of How I Met Your Mother is setting me up for an underwhelming end to the series. If Game of Thrones doesn’t come back soon and show me what good television is like, I’m going to set my TV set on fire and sit in the flames screaming FIRE CANNOT KILL A DRAGON. Whilst I burnt to death because I don’t have the blood of Old Valyria.